Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Negative Thinking Part I
I've been familiar with Philippians 4:8 from the time I was a small child. I thought I did pretty well at not thinking negatively until I read Secrets of Attraction, which uses quantum physics to explain the laws of interpersonal relationships and how we attract and repel people. It uses romantic attraction as an example, but shows how these laws apply to all of our interactions with other people. I don't think that the author, Sandra Anne Taylor, is a Christian, but the laws of quantum physics throughout this book sound just like many of the principles that I've read in the Bible.
For the record, here is Philippians 4:8 from the English Standard Version Bible:
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
The verse before it is about not being anxious, which seems to be related. Other verses in the Bible mention similar ideas. To simplify things, I'm only including that one verse.
Taylor elaborates on seven patterns of negative thinking. Here are the first two:
1. "Devaluing"-To devalue is to reflect negatively on our experiences, ourselves, or other people. It is to be judgmental and to focus on what is wrong. It is to not see the value in yourself, in your life, or in another person. To overcome this, one must accept "your real and eternal worth." Specifically, accept yourself as you are and find value in your life and in other people. Be grateful.
I think that I sometimes devalue myself and my life. Before reading this, I thought that we shouldn't judge others, but hadn't exactly thought of devaluing oneself and ones life as being negative. But when I devalue myself, I make myself feel bad, and the worse I feel and the more I judge myself, the harder it is to change myself and my life.
And people generally don't evaluate their own actions when they know that they'll judge and condemn themselves if they find themselves wanting. In fact, I think that our blind spots come from not being able to evaluate ourselves without judging and devaluing ourselves as a consequence. I've noticed that in some cases, if a person keeps on saying that they don't do such and such because that would be bad, it is often something that they do without realizing it.
As for other people, I've noticed, even before reading this, that it is always possible to find something to value in another person, even if that person has major issues and other people don't like him/her. It benefits me when I focus on what is good about someone else and try to forget what is wrong with him/her because that way, I learn positive ways of acting, even from "unlovable" people. But in reality, there aren't any "unlovable" people in the world. Everyone has something about them that is lovable and valuable .
Of course, any type of gossip and slander always devalues another person, even when done with the motive of "helping someone." If and when the gossip gets back to the one who was supposed to be "helped" by it, it will hurt that person. That person might then feel devalued and even feel hate towards the people who did the gossiping. I've noticed that it's easy to self-justify gossip, but think that even gossiping about small differences devalues another person. We ought to accept one another.
2. "Catastrophic Thinking"-This means to think of everything that could go wrong with what you're thinking of doing in the future, with a relationship, with the current day, or any "future activity or event." It also includes imagining disasters that could happen. This type of thinking creates fear and anxiety. It also makes it difficult to make positive changes. We ought to instead change our negative "what-if-ing" to "What if it turns out great?" or "What if my dreams do come true?" Worrying about negative outcomes really doesn't help us.
This is something that I have a problem with, but didn't think of it as negative thinking until I read this book. I thought I was just being realistic and practical, even "true." After I read this, I noticed how much this type of thinking has been pulling me down and making me fearful and passive. And it's not "true," it's imaginary. The times when I have made some of my dreams into reality were the times when I've turned off the catastrophic thinking and trusted God to take care of everything that could go wrong. This doesn't mean that I should be stupid and not plan, but I do need to quit thinking of all the ways that I could fail or be rejected or whatever else could go wrong because that just causes me to run from what I ought to be doing and to do something that I don't want to do simply because there are fewer opportunities for disasters or excessive stress or failure etc.
It's good that I ran into this book. I might have been thinking negatively without knowing it for the rest of my life. I was familiar with Philippians 4:8, but didn't realize that devaluing myself and thinking catastrophically are not true or lovely or excellent things to think about.
For the record, here is Philippians 4:8 from the English Standard Version Bible:
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
The verse before it is about not being anxious, which seems to be related. Other verses in the Bible mention similar ideas. To simplify things, I'm only including that one verse.
Taylor elaborates on seven patterns of negative thinking. Here are the first two:
1. "Devaluing"-To devalue is to reflect negatively on our experiences, ourselves, or other people. It is to be judgmental and to focus on what is wrong. It is to not see the value in yourself, in your life, or in another person. To overcome this, one must accept "your real and eternal worth." Specifically, accept yourself as you are and find value in your life and in other people. Be grateful.
I think that I sometimes devalue myself and my life. Before reading this, I thought that we shouldn't judge others, but hadn't exactly thought of devaluing oneself and ones life as being negative. But when I devalue myself, I make myself feel bad, and the worse I feel and the more I judge myself, the harder it is to change myself and my life.
And people generally don't evaluate their own actions when they know that they'll judge and condemn themselves if they find themselves wanting. In fact, I think that our blind spots come from not being able to evaluate ourselves without judging and devaluing ourselves as a consequence. I've noticed that in some cases, if a person keeps on saying that they don't do such and such because that would be bad, it is often something that they do without realizing it.
As for other people, I've noticed, even before reading this, that it is always possible to find something to value in another person, even if that person has major issues and other people don't like him/her. It benefits me when I focus on what is good about someone else and try to forget what is wrong with him/her because that way, I learn positive ways of acting, even from "unlovable" people. But in reality, there aren't any "unlovable" people in the world. Everyone has something about them that is lovable and valuable .
Of course, any type of gossip and slander always devalues another person, even when done with the motive of "helping someone." If and when the gossip gets back to the one who was supposed to be "helped" by it, it will hurt that person. That person might then feel devalued and even feel hate towards the people who did the gossiping. I've noticed that it's easy to self-justify gossip, but think that even gossiping about small differences devalues another person. We ought to accept one another.
2. "Catastrophic Thinking"-This means to think of everything that could go wrong with what you're thinking of doing in the future, with a relationship, with the current day, or any "future activity or event." It also includes imagining disasters that could happen. This type of thinking creates fear and anxiety. It also makes it difficult to make positive changes. We ought to instead change our negative "what-if-ing" to "What if it turns out great?" or "What if my dreams do come true?" Worrying about negative outcomes really doesn't help us.
This is something that I have a problem with, but didn't think of it as negative thinking until I read this book. I thought I was just being realistic and practical, even "true." After I read this, I noticed how much this type of thinking has been pulling me down and making me fearful and passive. And it's not "true," it's imaginary. The times when I have made some of my dreams into reality were the times when I've turned off the catastrophic thinking and trusted God to take care of everything that could go wrong. This doesn't mean that I should be stupid and not plan, but I do need to quit thinking of all the ways that I could fail or be rejected or whatever else could go wrong because that just causes me to run from what I ought to be doing and to do something that I don't want to do simply because there are fewer opportunities for disasters or excessive stress or failure etc.
It's good that I ran into this book. I might have been thinking negatively without knowing it for the rest of my life. I was familiar with Philippians 4:8, but didn't realize that devaluing myself and thinking catastrophically are not true or lovely or excellent things to think about.
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